 | INTERVIEW #1- THE TWIRPS
Jennifer and Matthew interview the twirps. A short dude, Ralph, helps with the interview, and desperate to be liked, calls himself a new Pokemon, a Ralph. Matthew is drinking a large bottle of pop. The twirps arrive and sit down in the five chairs (Tracy needs two because he's fat).
RALPH: Hey! I'm a new Pokemon! I'm a Ralph! Can I see your favourite Pokemon?
ASH: Sure! (He takes out Pikachu, Misty takes out Togepi, Brock takes out Vulpix, and
Tracy takes out Scyther).
MATTHEW: (Throws pop bottle aside) BELCH!!!
Pikachu gets angry and tries to thunder-shock Matthew.
MATTHEW: Hey, you little piece of crap! I'm gonna kill you! (He takes a hammer and swings it at Pikachu as it jumps away)
ASH: Pikachu! Come here! (Pikachu jumps to him).
JENNIFER: Hit that little piece of crap!
Matthew swings his hammer, but misses and hits Brock. Vulpix gets angry and shoots a flame-thrower at Matthew. But at the same time, Matthew belches and there is a large
explosion. When the smoke clears, they find Brock unconscious. Ralph ties him up, then he rolls over an incredibly large hamster ball and throws Brock in.
ASH: Hey, you idiot! Why'd you put Brock in a hamster ball?
MATTHEW: Who cares, twirp! Let's have a Pokemon battle: my Ralph against your Ash?
TRACY: Sure! I'll be his trainer (Stands up) Ahh! It's a relief to get that chair arm out of my butt!
MATTHEW: Ralph, run-between-his-legs-attack!
TRACY: Ash, use low kick!
ASH: Tracy! I'm not a Pokemon!
Ralph runs between Ash's legs. He waits beneath Ash for his next attack.
MATTHEW: Ralph! Use headbutt!
Ralph headbutts Ash, who falls backwards screaming in pain, then goes unconscious. Ralph ties him up and drags him into another hamster ball. Pikachu gets mad and tries to thunder-shock Ralph, but...
JENNIFER: Die, crap-head!
She squishes Pikachu with a hammer, then golfs him into the hamster ball with Ash. Tracy and Misty laugh. Matthew takes Ralph and puts him into a hamster ball labeled "Ralph's Pokeball"
JENNIFER: So, how'd you guys start hanging out with a loser like him?
MISTY: He fried my bike, so I decided to follow him until he pays me back.
JENNIFER: I would stop if I were you. Guys never pay back! (Gives Matthew evil look)
MATTHEW: I can't help it if I'm poor! But why are you hanging out with him, Tracy?
TRACY: I just went with him because he knows Professor Oak. I'm ditching Ash as soon as I get to meet him.
MATTHEW: Hey, look! Brock's awake! Let's get him out so we can talk to him! (Unlocks Brock's hamster ball)
BROCK: (flops down in his chair) OW!
JENNIFER: So, Brock, why are you so haunted by Professor Ivy?
BROCK: Don't say that name!
MISTY: Calm down! I think she just dumped him!
MATTHEW: Anyway, Brock, do you have eyes, and if so, can you see?
BROCK: Yes, I have eyes, they're just deformed.
JENNIFER: So, why don't you either catch or kill that stupid jigglypuff that follows you around?
TRACY: Why don't we kill it, guys?
MISTY: Or maybe we could catch it.
BROCK: Or at least take away that marker! How come that marker never had a microphone when Ash still had it?
MATTHEW: Why don't you kick the jigglypuff when it's standing right by your feet?
MISTY: I don't know. Why don't we?
Ash wakes up and starts banging his head on the wall of the hamster ball, since he's tied up. Matthew, Jennifer, and the other twirps laugh.
MISTY: Could someone please shut him up?
JENNIFER: Sure!
She kicks Ash's hamster ball into the wall and Ash falls on Pikachu. Pikachu electrocutes him and knocks him unconscious.
BROCK: I'm ashamed to say that he won a badge at my gym.
MATTHEW: But didn't he cheat, or was that just at the 7 other gyms?
MISTY: He did, and he cheated against me, too. He shouldn't have got the badge, my sisters were too nice. The only badges he earned were against Lt. Surge, Koga, and he got lucky against Blaine.
JENNIFER: I love it when Ash loses! Brock, you're cool for beating him, and so are Prima, Ritchie, Gary, and A.J. Sort of. Ritchie's kind of an Ash clone, except he actually has a brain.
TRACY: Ash has a brain. He uses it to breathe. And brag. And...that's about it.
MISTY: He's so full of himself!
MATTHEW: I'd love to beat him in a Pokemon battle!
Matthew opens Ash's hamster ball and gets his squirtle to squirt Ash in the face. Ash wakes up.
MATTHEW: I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!
ASH: You're on! This should be such an easy battle!
MATTHEW: Go, Squirtle!
ASH: Oh no! Pikachu's fried! Go, charizard!
MATTHEW: This should be easy.
ASH: Charizard, flame-thrower! (Charizard flame-throwers Ash's head, and Ash falls down).
MATTHEW: Squirtle, hydro-pump!
Since Charizard is just standing there. not listening to Ash, Squirtle's attack knocks him over. He falls on Ash and crushes him.
ASH: Ouch! Charizard, return!
MATTHEW: Now get back to your hamster ball! (Ash runs back in fear).
JENNIFER: I've sat her looking at that evil, rocket-hating pokemon long enough! I can't take it any more!
She grabs a hammer and clubs scyther over the head. It goes flying into a wall.
JENNIFER: That's revenge for chopping off all of Team Rocket's hair!
TRACY: Scyther, return!
Ralph laughs evilly.
MATTHEW: Ralph, how did you get out of your hamster ball?
Ralph smiles a toothy smile. Everyone looks over at the hamster ball. A large hole has been chewed in it.
BROCK: Ew! He's nasty! He eats plastic!
Ralph rolls Ash's hamster ball at Brock, Tracy, and Misty. They run away to screaming to avoid being crushed, and the hamster ball crushes the wall and keeps on rolling.
JENNIFER: Ralph! Don't scare our interview guests away!
MATTHEW: Oh well, they were weird anyway!
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